He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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