Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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