you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
