It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
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There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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