i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
