Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
