Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
