There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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