I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
