You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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