dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
either way he was missing a nipple.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
