We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
