How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
