I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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