Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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