i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college