The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS