Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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