I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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