You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
