I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
