I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just had sex on a roof
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
