Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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