I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
