dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
