They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
