I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
