I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
