the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
