Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize