i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
