Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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