So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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