Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
