I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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