Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
