I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
