WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
