You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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