It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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