it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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