I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
