Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
