Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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