you guys were way drunker than both of me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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