I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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