every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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