When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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