dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
