Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
