Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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