So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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