I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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