Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
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Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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