At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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