I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
