u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so that wasnt chicken after all
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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