I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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