You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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