yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
