He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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