oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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